The ADHD Guide to Motivation and Follow-Through with Russ Jones
We’re back for part two of my conversation with Russ Jones, host of the ADHD Big Brother podcast and head of his community-based ADHD coaching of the same name. In this half of the conversation, we get into the nitty-gritty of how to actually get yourself to do the things you know you need to do—whether that’s tackling laundry, setting (and remembering) goals, or just getting yourself unstuck when ADHD inertia takes over.
We talk about how traditional goal-setting can fail for ADHDers (and to try and flip that around), why accountability makes everything more manageable, and how structuring tasks in a fun, interest-driven way makes all the difference. Russ also shares some of his best hacks for dealing with executive dysfunction, including gamifying chores, breaking through mental resistance, and using community as a force multiplier for motivation.
Now, you don’t have to listen the first half of our conversation to get a lot out of this episode, but just know that this is part two.
All right, keep on listening to find out how to build momentum, follow through, and stop getting stuck at the starting line.
William Curb: It feels weird that we forget about our goals. Like that feels like that. It
Russ Jones : doesn't it?
William Curb: It's like, oh yeah, this is the thing I want. And then that's just gonna stick in there forever. And I'm like, that's a huge red flag to think that because there's nothing in my brain that is stuck in there forever. Like I have, how do I think that I'm going to keep something in my head for a year and not forget it for a month, for a week, you know? Like I'm like, I need those reminders.
Russ Jones : Because we think it's gonna be embedded in our soul. We think it's gonna become our new mindset or our new, because we thought it, it changes everything. I'm like, I agree with you 100%. Like you could literally have your 2024 goals right outside your door, but when you walk to the kitchen to go grab a drink, you're gonna forget your 2024 goal.
That's a guarantee. We're all in just in service of like, is it important? Where is it gonna be so it lives in front of your face? And then where's your support system to keep it not only in front of your face, but people that keep rooting for you. Like hope surrogates, right? When we're like, I believe in you. I think you're gonna do it. I'm gonna ask you about it.
William Curb: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. I've done that with people where I was like, oh yeah, I'm doing that. And they like after me about it, I'm like, oh geez. Why did I tell someone about that? No, I have to do something.
Dude, I said I was gonna do that, didn't I? Yeah. That came up recently. I was at, I had been shopping some ideas around some friends at the International ADHD Conference. And then I talked to them earlier this week and they're like, oh yeah, how about this thing? And I'm like, oh, I should do something about that. That should not live in my head anymore. That should go on a list of projects that I'm eventually gonna get to, not today, but eventually. Yeah.
Russ Jones : Do you get like that way where you're in the moment, it's like skies to limit? You're like, oh yeah, that sounds great. I'm gonna become this person. I'm gonna do that thing.
William Curb: It is so easy to envision myself having an infinite amount of energy, an infinite amount of motivation, and just not wanting to do any of the things that I know are bad for me.
Russ Jones : Oh my gosh.
William Curb: Same as these. And then especially, you know, lying at a bad night when I'm like, oh yeah, that's what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I'm like, wake up like, oh, I'm tired still. Apparently I need more than seven hours of sleep and listening to my dog bark at 6.30 is not helpful. Okay, so.
Russ Jones : Do you ever think about like black and white things? Sometimes I really lean into my black and white thinking. I know we call it a cognitive distortion a lot of times, but man, having a black and white boundary on certain things has been really helpful for me. I know with like addiction type stuff, it's like, it's the way to go. But even with ADHD type things, when I'm doing things black and white, I tend to be more successful. Like bedtime at 9.30.
William Curb: Yeah, exactly. Like being like, yeah, this is, yeah, so I was telling you guys that that friend's party, you know, last weekend. And it was, out of my routine, didn't, I was like, oh, I don't need to do my bedtime at 9.30. I should still get to bed at a reasonable time.
But I'm like, 2 a.m. is apparently way too late to be getting up, especially when my body is used to getting up at 6.30. And so doing that kind of thing where it's just like, oh my God, when I didn't have that rule, my brother went, there's no rules at all now. That black and white thinking is nice. Like this is the rule, this is what I do. When you break the rule, like, oh, there's no rules. I can do whatever I want. And it's like, I shouldn't go that way either.
Russ Jones : Yeah, like thinking about like stuff like alcohol. Like if I have alcohol in the house, I will just, I don't moderate. I don't, I don't know how to moderate. And you would think that you could just be an adult and be like, oh no, you know, when there's just have one, because having a whiskey is great and it's fun and you love it. Like, okay, but when I have a whiskey, if I have it in the house, I'll just keep having whiskey. So like, okay, that's a problem. There was a problem with the nicotine. Like, oh, just have a cigarette. That's not a real thing to have just a cigarette. Some people out there in the world can do that stuff.
They can moderate and to just know myself and be like, oh, that's just not who I am. Okay, so let me set up some black and white boundaries instead of being like, well, let's work in the gray here. Like there's no gray.
William Curb: Yeah, well, you're so successful gray. Yeah, understanding where you do and don't have those issues. Like, yeah, yeah, I feel very privileged in that I have no problems with alcohol.
Russ Jones : Like for, wow, must be nice, William. Must be real nice to be you.
William Curb: Yeah, New Year's like my wife like poured me a glass of champagne and I drank half of it. I'm like, oh, this is nice. And then I forgot about it. And I was like, oh, that is a clear sign that this is not an issue, even though, you know, 20s was definitely a different time. But now it's just like, oh yeah, I forgot that that was a thing. But there's like other things where I'm like, oh, there's cookies on the counter. For now.
Russ Jones : Yeah, all kinds of things, right? For me, it could be sometimes it would be like if I have potato chips or something and I'm in the middle of currently binging a series. Like if there's a series that I'm watching, I have a real hard time with the nighttime. Like, oh, chips and binging. Like that to me is, it's really hard to put moderation on that stuff.
William Curb: Yeah, I was thinking about the same thing because I was like, started watching a show yesterday. I was like, oh, I'll have some lunch and I'll watch this thing. Can we, I'm like, why did I watch four one hour episodes in the middle of the day?
Now I don't have a day any left. Yes. And it's like, oh, yeah. Like, or social media being like, oh.
Oh yeah. Like, I'm like, I have a very serious block on my computer to prevent me from going on Reddit now. Cause I'm like, I'll just go and read things that make me upset and make me not want to do anything for hours if I let myself do it.
Russ Jones : That's actually something that I would be interested to hearing about. This is hack your ADHD, hacking your ADHD. What's the hack? What is the thing that you put on your computer
William Curb: that prevents the, right now I have a application called freedom? Freedom. What is it? It is a browser extension or I have the like app installed on the computer and I can set it to automatically block websites or, um, no kinds of websites for at certain times automatically right now I have Reddit blocked 23 hours and 59 minutes a day. Oh, you get one, you get one quick minute with it. Yeah. Three AM. So if I, if I, if I can do it. He's like, if I really wanted to, I could do it. Yeah.
And it even has like things where I'm like, it won't allow me to force quit the application now. Oh, right on. Which I'm like, yeah, cause I totally would if I could. I have figured ways to get around it if I really want to, but they're involved enough that I can be like, well, I'm not going to do that. Cause I can, cause it's enough separation from the thought of doing it and not. Yeah.
Russ Jones : That's brilliant. Like there's enough tension and time for you to be self-aware enough to be like, oh, that's right. This is a, so you have time to get off of autopilot. Is that it? Yeah.
William Curb: Oh, that's brilliant. And I have currently nothing on my phone, just utility apps, no games, no social media. There is. Wow. Browser, which I used to read Wikipedia, but that is, I don't mind that like, it is made when I'm like, oh yeah, I was on my phone for 45 minutes today. That's fine. Like that's not that much. 45 minutes is, yeah, that's, wow, that's awesome. Yeah. And it was just like, oh, it's like, what's your most used app messaging? Great.
That's, that's what it does. I'm social. Yay. I don't even have email on my phone right now. Cause I was like, that's, that's a problem. Do you really? That is fricking next level.
Yeah. It was a weird, I went to that party. I didn't bring over Peter. I was like, I can't even check my email while I'm here. It's fine. It was fine. It's great.
Russ Jones : This is, okay. So here's the thing. This is the kind of thing that I would bring into my community. Like, like we do challenges. I get stuff like this that you're saying, like I don't even have email on your phone. That to me creates a challenge in my head. I'm like, oh, could I do that? I'm going to create a 30 day, no email on my phone challenge. Let's go. Who wants to play with me? And then we all are miserable together. Or we all are like, oh, how's it going for you? I can't do it.
I have to go. But it's, that's how that kind of stuff becomes fun to me. It's by gamifying it a bit. Like I'm literally talking to you on a personal level. Like I think I'm going to do that. And it scares the crap out of me.
William Curb: I mean, there have been times when I'm like, man, I would be like, I was like, oh, I should dang it. Can't do that right now.
Russ Jones : You have to go to your computer to check your email.
William Curb: Yeah. And it makes it me more likely to respond to my email because I'm not just like glancing at it and being like, oh yeah, that, that, that I'll read something and be like, oh, I can do about something about that. Cause I'm sitting here and I can deal with it.
Russ Jones : Oh dude, William, you're breaking a habit that I have that I've been wanting to get out of, which is first thing in the morning when I wake up, I look and see what kind of emails I have. Cause there's like a joy in that.
I wonder what kind of, oh, if I get a call or if that, was there an appointment today or what's going to happen today? There's like a joy in that. But I don't know that that's the most effective way for me to start my day for my brain. So I'm really juiced up about this.
William Curb: So, I mean, it took a bit to get used to the first day I took everything off my phone. I kept picking it up and looking at it and just staring at it and be like, there's nothing here. But I can't stop. Then a few days later, it was like, okay, I'm still doing it occasionally, but I, and I was like still like, I'll open up and look and be like, I don't know why I'm here. I'm expecting this to entertain me, but like doing that also made me like, oh, I am picking this up for a reason. And I don't like that reason that I was like, I don't want to be doing these things to just cure this boredom that I'm feeling for a few seconds. There are other things I can do in my life that are better, that I enjoy more than looking at my phone. So let me incentivize that instead of having this thing that's just so easy to do, that that's the reason I do it. Yeah.
Russ Jones : Oh my God. I challenge you, every single one of your listeners that don't have jobs that require them to answer emails on their phones.
William Curb: But I think we should do that. I mean, that was like the thing for me. I was like, why am I needing to read this on my phone? Like there are certain times when it has been useful, but it is not considering any of the, like at any use does not consider the costs that can come along with something. Cause we're like, oh yeah, anything can be useful, but everything has a cost as well.
And so we're not measuring both. That's something that is, you're going to just end up being like, I have all these tools that I don't use. And they actually kind of hurt me because, I mean, that's kind of like why we've like, everyone's jumped on social media. Like we're just like, oh, this is great. Cause it does this connection thing, but it also has this huge other like dark side that we're kind of just okay with now because everyone's on social media. Yeah.
Russ Jones : That's the new social norm, right? It's the new normal of the, I'm thinking now, because now that I don't have the mail app is still on my phone, but when I click on it, it's like, Hey, do you want to connect one of your emails? So it's gone. Now I'm thinking, okay, so it's just one less casual thing I can glance at when I have my phone down. When like, that's going to free up a lot. And so then if I'm really, it's going to make me prioritize emails in terms of time blocking it, right? I have to have a dedicated email time. Yeah.
William Curb: That's a lot of stuff that I find is like, what am I making easier? What am I making harder? And how is that going to influence my choices? Like what's the easiest breakfast for me to have? If I make having a healthy breakfast easier, that's what I'm going to eat. Lower in the resistance to the things I want to do, increasing resistance to the things I don't want to do. It's like, oh, like if I will, like, I'm playing video games too much and I want to play fewer video games, actually put it like make it so like, okay, I'm going to put this away when I'm not playing it.
But if I like have like this, like my little DS with Mega Man on it, sitting on my desk in front of me, whenever I'm bored, I'm going to pick up and play a little bit of Mega Man. And if I don't want to do that, let's put it away. If I want to be like, oh, I want to read more, I'm going to just bring my Kindle with me and set it on my desk. And so then I'm like, oh, when I'm got three, five minutes where I'm bored and I don't want to engage with something, I'll do that.
Russ Jones : This is like literally that is ADHD, like out of sight, out of mind. You're playing to the fact that we do forget. Like we forget our goals when we walk out of the room. You'll forget the DS if it's not right in front of your face, waiting for you to play it, right?
In some cases, right? There will always still be that draw. Like I'm still going to now have a draw to check my email because there's a little bit of a tension point to it. There's a little bit of a self-awareness of like, oh, is this email time? No, or is this not email time now? Okay, now I can make a decision. I think this is really fascinating.
William Curb: Yeah, I mean, and it's doing this with the community stuff, where like I'm going to do this, this is going to be hard and I want someone to check in on me about it because I don't know if I'm going to keep up. If I just say this on my own is huge. Cause that's like, there have been so many times where I've just done something like, oh, I'm going to do this thing. And then like a week later, I'm like, well, I'm just going to undo that cause I can. A thousand percent.
Russ Jones : This is a great point. I'm playing to the integrity that we were talking about earlier. So now as soon as we get off this, I'm going into my community and I'm going to announce it as a challenge.
Therefore I've declared it. There was a study that I'd read it, but I just remember that the, there was a blurb in it that said, hills are never as steep when you walk them with a friend. I'm like, that's exactly the point of community, right? If you and I do this shitty thing together, it's going to feel a little bit less shitty. Like I go, I walk around the Rose Bowl with my buddy Brian every week. If he cancels on me, I'm not going. If I cancel on him, he's not going. Cause it's just like, it's a three mile journey. I don't want to do that. But I would love to hang out with Brian and walk it with him. I love that stuff. I don't even know what the main point of all that was, but I.
William Curb: Yeah. My wife and I do a polar plunge every year. And I love it. It's great. What do you do? You jump into the freezing water. Yeah. We have a lake up near us. It's like a glacial runoff. It's very cold. And yeah, jump in first of the year. It's fun.
Russ Jones : And would you do it alone? Would you do it without her? Or is it because of the fact that you're both doing?
William Curb: it probably at this point it's because we both like I probably would do it on my own now and so normally there's like a group that does it that's but it's like a pain to get to they have like awful parking and we don't know anybody there so it's just kind of like doing with the other people that are there so this year we're like oh we're just gonna go to this park that is on the other side of this place and we'll there's like we'll just do it the two of us you know and we got in and I was like in the water sitting there like getting ready to dunk myself being like I'm already in the cold water but like dunking your head feels like a whole different experience when it's that cold and I was like okay I'm gonna do my head no I'm not and then I was like start walking out I'm like okay I'm gonna be disappointed in myself if I don't do this so I went on to it but would I have even gotten that close had I not had you know my wife there and yeah my kids there being like what the hell are you doing and yeah
Russ Jones : chanting dunk your head dunk
William Curb: your head yeah well my kids my kids are just like what why are you gonna do this this is terrible and when my daughter was five she was like saws doing she's like I'm gonna go in and she like ran into the water with her feet and then just it was so cold she started crying so much and I was like uh and she's like I'm never doing that again I'm like I can see that you had a real bad time oh my gosh would I have even started doing it if I wasn't doing it with a bunch of other people because I have like you know pictures from decade ago when I was doing it with some friends wow this is
Russ Jones : a tradition this is a hardcore embedded tradition yeah
William Curb: the only time I skipped is when I had an open wound on my hand and I was like I don't want to go in a lake with an open wound that seems like a bad choice uh I had uh been cleaning and crushed my finger because crushed it I was moving a like medicine ball and was being like oh I'm just gonna like you know impulsively tried to like toss it somewhere else instead of tossing it I just tossed my finger with it and into a wall yeah
Russ Jones : so that's how you got out of it huh that's how you got out of your cold plunge
William Curb: yeah I was like oh not doing it this year because uh fingernail came off and gross it was awful but yeah but other than that yeah it's been like every year oh that's super cool would I do that without anyone else there would I have started doing that without anyone else there probably not I don't know I was like and I'm thinking like I just feel weird to be like well I'm gonna go walk in this water and walk out of this water and then I'm done and like oh no it's doing it with other people that makes that a
Russ Jones : thing yeah yeah I love that and just being around others and doing things with others I think that's a big deal and I know like connections a big deal for people that are depressed it's one of those hard things to to do when you are depressed yeah to connect and find those connections I know I'm kind of taking this into a dark place I don't
William Curb: call it that I was just talking with someone about this yesterday it's like how when you are in that space yeah doing the things you know that are going to help are so hard to do
Russ Jones : they're the work they're the hardest things right yeah so that having the easiest possible way to get to that connection I think is a big deal
William Curb: yeah when I think the what I was talking with them about is like you need to preemptively do things and if you're building your community you're gonna have people being like hey I haven't seen you in a while like just having that like little like olive wrench like you can come and not do anything you don't have to turn on the camera and just if you're there we're gonna be thrilled yeah
Russ Jones : I love that and I love I find that a lot of us like we all know that we all have the co-occurring conditions right the depression the anxiety the all the all of the fun ones yeah and just that aspect of knowing like I know in our community we have a number of us that have depression as well and it's like you run hot you're uncalled but you you always know that there's acceptance I think that I think that's a big deal I think I said it earlier like hope surrogacy I think is a thing I'm no therapist but here's what I believe in sometimes we need hope surrogates we need like and I'm speaking as a person with depression who this is how I feel sometimes we need people to believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves to hold our hope for us right this kind of chokes me up a little bit but because it's you're like oh well that's it feels weak or whatever and I'm like it's not it's just it's an okay thing and it's a it's a warm thing and it's a it's based out of love and about camaraderie and people who know the experience that you're feeling like it's really like somebody that's like not depressed who's not in or not in a depressive episode are so much more in my view qualified to help somebody that's in a depressive episode because they know exactly where that person is the ideations the whatever the hopelessness all that stuff they're like I know where you're at
William Curb: yeah not asking anything of that person like yeah I know man asking anything of me when I'm depressed nothing's gonna happen nothing like I might do something but it's not going to give me space to get out of the depression like I'll be like I'm just like I'm making lunches for kids that's what I'm doing and then I'm gonna go sit in the closet for a while sit in the closet for a while
Russ Jones : because that's where I'm going yes totally I call my core four because when I'm depressed I nobody likes me I'm positive that people think I'm a huge turd and would love for me just to not exist you can't convince me otherwise that that truth just the brain won't let me not believe that so I have a core four which is like there's four people that I'm super close to that know about being me being getting depressed they know about depression and I can call them I can do the thing that you're are available they're beautiful people they're like uh there's jokes yeah but it's like they know they get it and so they they're like I'll be there for you no matter what even though you think I hate you I'll be I'll show up for you I think that's beautiful we all need
William Curb: those core four yeah because yeah it's yeah you don't think anyone likes you because of how little you like yourself it's
Russ Jones : just yes oh isn't that the worst yeah
William Curb: yeah it's just like I'm like and it's hate the retrospect too and you're like man that didn't make any sense and it's like but I think that's like an important thing to also realize is that like yeah you are a different person in that state you cannot rely on a lot of the what you think you would do you have to be figure out like okay what will I actually do not versus what should I do what can I get myself to do that will yeah you know like calling one of your core four like that is something okay I can do this because even though I feel like this I can do it but a lot of times like we come up with these strategies we're like oh I'm gonna do this thing this is you know the my infinite energy infinite motivation like I'm gonna go for a jog it's like oh yeah good going out and exercise great for depression true also not something that's going to happen I know isn't that the craziest yeah one of the things I find I can I can go drive and as long as I'm not having ideations of like having a traffic accident that's great yeah but it's just like oh yeah the movement being outside helps and I can just do that
Russ Jones : for sure I love that you know I'm in LA so like the fires was it's it put me in a in a depressive episode but the other day I was like I was having all these thoughts and I started writing them down because they were so stupid they were so like well I can't even think of one but they would just be like nobody loves you it'd be something like that like something that on you put on paper and you're like I don't want to fight that thought which is sometimes what we tend to do we tend to be like no I have to convince myself I'm lovable I have to start showing myself the data that I'm like no I don't believe I'm I don't believe it so the answer for me was it's very like ACT oriented oh we could talk about that in a second but it's like the uh it's very much like that's the thought the thought is the thought I don't have to do anything with it I'm just gonna go that that's there now I'm gonna have myself the day I'm gonna go do something but the thoughts are just they're not real that has been pretty helpful to me at least to curb the ruminating a little bit you know
William Curb: it's so funny when you like you write them down and you're just like did I really just write that nobody loves me I know oh my god isn't that so crazy yes and I this is a great strategy with ADHD stuff too is like you know be like I can never remember my keys and you're like uh that seems like a stretch and you're like okay well I seldom remember my take my keys and I'm like well that's that's more true and now oh maybe I can do something with that
Russ Jones : yes maybe it's not about becoming a person that remembers their keys it becomes about what does a person who has a struggle of remembering their keys what does that person do so that they their keys are cop of mind or in front of them or whatever
William Curb: yeah yeah yeah this is where the yeah the where we have to fight that black and white thinking because and yeah writing it down such a huge piece to like oh that when it's in my head that's fine when I write it down I'm like that's not something I would say to someone else
Russ Jones : because isn't it it kind of helps you get perspective sometimes doesn't it because you're like looking at as a third party you're looking at as an objective viewer of the of the text I guess right mm-hmm that's so interesting
William Curb: yeah and it's uh funny how that works I don't I'm all one person but I do feel like you know I'm the observer of myself sometimes you know I'm and I have the observer of the observer I don't think I go deeper than that
Russ Jones : but uh but who observes the observer of the observer that's the person we're trying to get to
William Curb: because yeah when the observer sees that they go yeah that's dumb and the person that goes that internal person's the same person's they're like yeah you're right I should probably I still feel that way but I now have a little bit of separation and maybe I can think about I it's yeah it's the thought rumination where it's just like this just as I thought that's repeating and repeating and repeating and it's not clearing and writing it down kind of helps clear it out
Russ Jones : tell for sure for sure helps us to see it for what it is and like the and for me it was like it's not something that I have to try to force alter I've done this a bunch in the on my podcast and in the community of like affirmations or not it really a thing for me like I can't fight ruminations by going into a mirror and saying I love you I love you buddy you're lovable I think my brain is like you're an idiot no you don't I'll tell you why you don't love yourself remember in third grade remember fourth you know but.
I'm like the thing that I will do is uh they're called task formations they're like what does a person that loves themselves what what do they do oh maybe they go for a walk okay well maybe when I'm not feeling like shit but like maybe there's some things that I can do that I can go hey brain look you idiot not that I have a contentious relationship with my brain I'm sorry William the hey friendly brain that tells me all the horrible things in the world look I do love myself look what I did I did a thing.
William Curb: yeah I've never remember one time having a thought that was with that contentious brain word being like man you're such a piece of shit for doing that and I was like great you're not a piece of shit only a piece of shit would call themselves a piece of shit god damn it.
Russ Jones : brain totally the brain is like is the brain is like the world's greatest lawyer and it has all the data on why you are a piece of shit it will see it basically and so you go to court with the brain and the brain is like oh your honor exhibit a through infinity and I'm sitting there going but I have a shitty working memory I can't remember anything I'm what are the good things you know it's but your brain is so fast with the bad stuff that as how do you fight it it's like in my head I'm like well it's not a fight it's it's uh yeah you're there I'm gonna go do a thing now.
William Curb: yeah I mean I think that's why it's so important for some a lot of people to have like these like to doll lists and like you know things they've they've done you know like celebrating wins and stuff it's like oh yeah because that's not my natural inclination I need to build the tools in to make it so that it happens at least sometimes.
Russ Jones : yes and I mean how how good does it feel and this is to everybody that's listening right now is it means the world to hear from somebody that their work is meaningful like so when you get a good review on your podcast doesn't that make you feel good in the moment and have you ever been like even though you have one of the most successful ADHD podcast out there do you ever feel like oh I'm dumb or.
William Curb: I'm all the time what am I doing yeah how many times this week have I felt that way
Russ Jones : so everybody let's think come on throw the guy his five star review he earned it he's earned it he's helped the hell out of you come on anyway that was my side note but these kinds of things where we hear things are helpful
William Curb: big time yeah because brain isn't helping me on its own so I know
Russ Jones : I know we can philosophize about this for hours man like that yeah of what is the ultimate goal and is it to get our brain to chatter all the time that it loves us and I think that that's not a thing because the brain is meant to keep us alive so it is meant to constantly be looking for problems and it's constantly
William Curb: meant to do that it has negativity bias because for sure for sure like well I just watched Steve eat those poison berries let's not do that because he is having a bad day now or you know like yeah I have those berries and they gave me the runs and now I'm never gonna eat those berries again like that is important for our brains like that is a survival thing like our brains need to have that negatively when those bad things happen we really need to know about it
Russ Jones : yeah and then that happens like with all kinds of things right when our childhood when we when we get broken up with for the first time and we think oh falling in love is evil because it will hurt you and hurt is equal to killing you so in order to survive don't put yourself out there right it's like all kinds of crazy like don't try hard because every time you try hard you fail remember third grade fourth grade fifth grade oh shit I guess I have to not try it's
William Curb: crazy shit trauma is just our brain trying to protect ourselves yeah admittedly in a very poor fashion but it's trying to protect us I know gosh like we're gonna never let that happen again but the doing so is causing problems we're never going to let that happen again
Russ Jones : yeah ever all situations are this situation you will never divert yeah like oh god thanks brain you're great
William Curb: oh all right well is there anything you want to leave the audience with
Russ Jones : if you're an adh tier that is an adult and is wondering why you aren't still doing the stuff even though you know the stuff really look into joining a community I'm biased towards mine obviously because it's adhdbigbrother.com or actually the community is adhdbigbrother.circle .so it's a really cool community platform I can't stress enough how much I believe that community is the thing that's missing in a lot of people with adhd's lives and I do believe that we can do things on our own however it is supremely helpful to get in the nest build up your wings and then fly and then try to do it on your own and if you've splat on the ground no big deal you just climb back in the nest and you get work on your wings it's not meant oh you know what this is a good thing to say because I was the same way with my quick group with nicotine community isn't necessarily meant to be forever but it's meant to be there for you when you need it when you get your shit together then you can then become a support vessel like you can then offer your support that's my ramble about that.
William Curb: I think community is one of those pillars that we often gets overlooked because people are like sounds hard
Russ Jones : yeah or is it they're like I already know everything so I'm just going to do that and once I just do that I'll be done you're like well but you got to do the things right yeah so anyway but I really appreciate you having me on it's super fun talking to you man and so I had a blast so thank you appreciate it.
This Episode's Top Tips
When you’re stuck in a rut, having people who believe in you (even when you don’t believe in yourself) is a game-changer. This is one of the places where having a strong community can really help you flourish.
Traditional goal-setting doesn’t always work. If you're finding yourself stuck, try a “Reverse Mountain” Approach: Instead of imagining the goal at the top, imagine yourself at the top and let momentum pull you down, guiding your each next step towards your goal.
If something is “important but boring,” find a way to inject fun, novelty, or urgency to make it engaging. If the task still feels unbearable, set a 10-minute timer and see how far you get. If you still don’t want to do it, try switching things up and find an approach that does work.