Prioritizing Your Needs For a Better Holiday Season
Let's start off by talking about being mindful of what events you are choosing to do.You don't have to do every event that you are invited to, make sure you are choosing the events that are most important for you. One of the most useful tactics for this is whenever anyone invites you to anything make sure one of the first things that comes out of your mouth is "I'll have to check my calendar" - which honestly should be one of your first concerns anyways, but when you are able to give yourself a little room after an invitation you are better able to weigh how important it is for you. We've only got so much time and we can't do it all and if you try to you're just setting yourself up for burnout.
If you have trouble saying no to events when you have free spots on your calendar you might consider adding recovery periods to your calendar - you can move them around as needed but make sure you taking time out for yourself. It's easy to get burned out on from all the holiday cheer, which brings us to our next tip - prioritizing self-care. Remember that self-care isn't selfish - there is a reason that airplane safety announcements tell you to put your mask on before helping others - if you aren't taking care of yourself you are going to burn yourself out. Self-care looks different for everyone but in those little recovery periods you added to your calendar you can give yourself some self-care. Maybe you need a relaxing bath, to go on a run, or a little time by yourself with a video game. The important part of your self-care regime is that you feel better afterwards - don't let yourself fall into numbing behavior, work on figuring out what you need to feel your best for your next event.
Next up on my list, make sure you've got a few escape routes planned. I mean this both literally and figuratively. If you are going to a holiday party make sure you have a place you can go if you are starting to feel overwhelmed. When I'm feeling like a party is getting too much for me I like taking a quick walk to gather myself - although weather can make that a little hard sometimes, so if you can find a room you can go to for a little bit if you're feeling overwhelmed that's a great option. Also a great part about this tip is that just knowing I can escape a situation reduces my social anxiety because I don't feel as trapped as I otherwise would.
And it's also a good idea to have a few conversational escape routes as well. I've been trapped into my fair share of boring conversations and sometimes it doesn't seem how glazed my eyes get the other person never gets the hint. One of your best options is to try and steer the conversation into something you are interested in. Try linking whatever was just said, maybe uncle Joe can't stop talk about muscle cars - you can jump in with how you've been working on your own muscles at the gym. Okay, not the best example, but you get the idea. Another great way to switch gears is to go with the old stand by "excuse me I need to use the bathroom real quick" - when you get back start off the conversation with your own question first, it’s much easier and less awkward to change the subject after you’ve taken a short break.
And one more tip here, seek out your co-conspirators at parties if possible. While it won't be true for every event you go to, most often you'll be able to find people that you identify. You also might find some other people that are going to want to have a little bit of time to get away from everything - if you can find someone that you can flag down when you need to get away from everything they can help extricate you from awkward conversations and help you get a little down time.
One of the biggest dangers we can have over the holiday season is falling prey to our impulsiveness. From the giant spreads of foods to the numerous holiday sales it can be a lot to overcome. The best thing you can do is have a plan. If you're trying to not overeat make sure you know what your plan is for the holiday meals and for all those cookies that are going to be sitting in the break room at work. Develop some self-talk that you plan to use when you feel yourself giving in to impulsive eating habits - yes, plan out your self-talk, if you know what you want to tell yourself in those moments its a lot easy, and you can also work on keeping your self-talk supportive. Maybe you had a few more servings of pie than you intended to, try telling yourself something like “I accept that I’m not perfect—but I choose to refocus on healthy eating.”
And for goodness sake, stay home on Black Friday - the whole point of Black Friday is to override a neurotypical person's impulse control, we don't stand a chance. Have a budget in mind and a time limit and then do your shopping online.
Finally I just want to reiterate a point that has been weaved into the rest of this podcast, which is to be kind to yourself. There is always a lot going on during the holiday season and that means something is probably going to slip through the cracks. Give yourself permission ahead of time to forgive yourself. I'm going to work hard to make sure I'm getting everything done but I know that it is pretty likely something is just not going to get added to my calendar sometime in the next couple of months and just isn't going to get done. While I could beat myself up for that, I haven't really found that strategy working out so well for me in the past. Instead I'm going to be working on a little compassion for my ADHD - and back to that premeditated self-talk, I'm going to be telling myself, “When I slip, I slip and that's okay - I get up again, I get back on track.”
This Episode's Top Tips
Pick and choose your events - let your mantra become "I'll have to check my calendar"
Prioritize self-care by adding it to your calendar
Have escape routes planned for events that might overwhelm you - identify your co-conspirators to get you out of the worst situations
Your best weapon against impulsiveness is forethought - knowing when you are most impulsive let's you come up with strategies to curb that impulsiveness
Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack
